About

How many times have I wanted to be someone else?

A southern belle.

A twenties flapper.

A Victorian lady.

But, I was always just me.

Plain ole me.

The one who felt like she just didn’t fit in. The one trying to figure out how things worked, what things meant, how to do it better, how to do it right… the one always on the outside looking in.

One day, several years ago, I was sitting at my home office desk… struggling. I had felt God calling me into ministry and I had talked to my pastor and my friend who was the youth pastor at my church. My friend was receptive and open and wanted to help me. My pastor not so much. My friend gave me opportunities to share lessons with the youth group, and I began working more and more with the youth group as well as leading the girls club, and even speaking in a few Wednesday night services.

At the same time I felt my calling from God… so did a couple other women. Women who were better acquaintances with the pastor and his wife and whose call into the ministry was more accepted than mine. At that church, in order to become an ordained minister in the denomination, you had to go through classes and they were put into those classes. I was not. I was hurt. Devastated. I took every teaching lesson I had written and threw it away. I threw away all my prayer journals. I deleted every document from my computer and all my flash drives.

I was done.

Done with ministry.

Done with them.

Done with church.

I wasn’t done with God… but I wanted no part of the rest.

Looking back I realize I was spiritually immature, and emotionally immature as well.

It’s a process… and I still have my days.

But, sitting at my desk on that wintry afternoon, talking to God as I do throughout my day, He spoke a sentence to me that has been a passion inside of me ever since.

“Just be the you I created you to be”.

I wrote down on a piece of scrap paper…

“be the me I was created to be”.

You can pretend all day long to be someone else. Kids do it. They dress up in costumes and wear masks and makeup to change their appearance to look like someone else and then imitate the actions of someone else. But, after a while, it gets tiring trying to keep up a facade. Trying to smile when you hurt inside. Trying to be happy when you’re overcome with pain. Trying to be pleasant when you really want to scream at the top of your lungs. Trying to do group dates when you really don’t want to be around people at all.

God created us fearfully and wonderfully and uniquely. No two of us are the same. It would be a rather boring world if we were all the same. We all have unique talents and gifts… it’s up to us to step up and just be ourselves so God can use us for His purpose. Maybe it’s not the purpose you imagined, dreamed of, or hoped for… but it is for His glory and that’s rewarding enough!

A lot has changed in my life since I wrote that phrase. A lot. I still have doubts. I still have trials. I still have times of emotional and spiritual immaturity. I do not claim to be perfect, or to make the right decisions all the time. I get things wrong. I mess up. I have a past. But I also have a present and a future and as Jeremiah 29:11 says… God knows the plan for my future and He is my hope.

This is my journey.

My thoughts.

My uniqueness.

My wonderfulness.

My fearfulness.

My honoring Him with the words I write.

My hope that someone, somewhere will be touched, changed, helped, and drawn closer in their relationship to the Father. I want to see people experience God for themselves. You may be done with people. You may be done with religion. You may be done with church. But, you are never done with God because He is never done with you. He is not done with me. He just desires us each to be who He created us to be.

~ Rebekah

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

“Change is not change until it is changed.”

“If you think you’re good enough, you will never get any better.”


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